your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
honey bunches of taint.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
