East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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