just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
