Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I believe in your delicious
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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