I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Dear god my vagina.
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