96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
