He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
