I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
