I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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