eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
