the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
