you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
