I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
