I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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