Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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