evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
