watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
