Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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