just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
