I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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