it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
