My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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