why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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