Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
