I CAN MOONWALK!
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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