I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
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