I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
