kristin has been a bad kristin
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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