A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Found the puke drawer
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
