i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
