wanna go halves on a baby?
my sisters under your porch take her home
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
