You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
