DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
