dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
