so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
