at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
