his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
