He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
how does that bad decision feel?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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