Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
