I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
