I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
