So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
