i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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