Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
