i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
