I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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