i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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