I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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