Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
