Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
