i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
