why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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